WondrousWally
WondrousWally is a Ravenkraft community member who, on one Saturday in March 2025, became Arctic Emerald's defense counsel against his own better judgment and the explicit momentum of an entire Discord server. He accepted. He prepared. He argued. He lost. The record reflects this. WondrousWally maintains that the system works.
The Trial of RyanPhantom
When ComradeFeliks suggested that WondrousWally be court-appointed defense counsel for Arctic Emerald — on the grounds that someone had to — WondrousWally's first response was:
- "how the hell am I getting volentold?!?!?!?!?"
His second response was also correct:
- "fuck it."
Within sixty seconds he was operating as counsel of record:
- "I am advising my client at this time to no longer engauge in coversations with the law."
WondrousWally had legitimate procedural concerns. He raised them. He wanted Wizardofire as judge; that motion failed when M3lon8r suggested Linatic instead. He raised the format question: "Is this going to be a trial by jury or a bench trial?" He identified the practical problem of producing a replacement phantom for evidentiary purposes: "we are going to have to use a spawn egg and drop him off in the arena." These were the concerns of a reasonable man who had been voluntold into a murder trial with 24 hours' notice.
The Cyborg Law Offices (MickyMack) prevailed.
Philosophy
The aftermath of the trial produced a statement that belongs in the header of every Ravenkraft document:
- "my entire existence is just Fermi estimations anymore it feels like. scuffed as hell, but it keeps working out."
He also filed a separate motion, in a later thread, that requires preservation. Upon MickyMack missing the punchline of a joke WondrousWally had constructed:
- "I need to report a murder. Micky just murdilated my joke..."
When MickyMack objected that "murdilated" wasn't a word, WondrousWally submitted an Urban Dictionary citation. MickyMack stated he stood corrected. The motion was sustained.
Notable Details
His allay skin, produced by MickyMack as part of the community allay project, is pending WondrousWally delivering his Magikarp skin — a transaction publicly confirmed as in progress.
Relationships
- Arctic Emerald — client; the accused; should have stopped talking earlier
- MickyMack — opposing counsel (CLO); prevailed; also murdilated a joke; citation on file
- Linatic — presiding judge; WondrousWally had preferred Wizardofire
- ComradeFeliks — the one who volunteered him; detective and trial witness
- Wizardofire — suggested as judge by WondrousWally; rejected in favour of Linatic
See Also
- Arctic Emerald — the client
- MickyMack — opposing counsel
- RyanPhantom the Phantom — the case